Ancient manuscripts discovered at Vatican Library

Members of the Outlands Community were startled by a news article that disclosed the discovery of two ancient manuscripts at the massive Library of the Vatican early last week. Outlands interstellar communicator Aldfas was able to view and retain the information in the manuscripts, and they are presented here in summary form, translated from the original Latin.

CODEX WALDENSIS SILICONIS A

This manuscript was discovered in a large hollow book of Papal laundry-lists when workers at the Vatican Library were reorganizing a seldom-used section of the vast bibliotheque. It records the names of three previously-unknown saints:

Sanctus Guillamensis Lucre Microsoftus Computensis

Sanctus Stephanus Pommus Computensis

Sanctus Linus Obfuscatus Computensis

The manuscript, which is written in a large uncial hand on a smooth creamy vellum of 11th century provenance, gives no other information other than that shown above. A rough translation of the text would read as follows:

Book of the Valley of Silicon Crystals

Saint William of Money (the appelation "Microsoftus Computensis" is unclear)

Saint Stephan of Apples

Saint Linus the Obscurer

The second manuscript was completely startling to a number of the members of the Outlands Community. It purports also to be a list of previously-unknown saints; all of the names bear an uncanny resemblance to those of members in the Community, as just stated. The top three inches of the scroll is missing, so if the document has a title it is unknown. At the bottom is the name of the monk who copied the manuscript from an earlier original; he apparently was a Greek living in Ireland at the time of Eriugena, and his name is given as Testicles Manipulus. Here is the manuscript in the Latin original:

[top three inches missing]

Sanctus Sara Succubus Louvanensis sancta patrona fornicatus

Sanctus Terrentius Incubus Prussenis sanctus patronum sodomitii

Sanctus Stavros Mionyi Kangallassis sanctus patronum magia sacra negrus

Sanctus Hurrainis Angelicus Umbrensis sanctus patronum umbraeaum

Sanctus Seima Angelicus Wuppsis sancta patrona oopsaea

Sanctus Sproingius Spritus sanctus patronum revelatus objectum crytpos

Sanctus Michael Archontas sanctus patronum factum cryptos et sarcasticus

Sanctus Gabriel Hypostasis sanctus patronum cannabinum

Sanctus SonShon Sapphica sancta patrona practicionem tribadisius

Sanctus Magan Psychoticus sancta patrona mallum et damnabulaeum

Sanctus Delfinus Computensis Infectus sanctus patronum virii

Sanctus Dyslidus Basleiensis sanctus patronum productus alkaloidum ergotii

Sanctus Raymondus Caelius, sanctus patronus caput en caelum

A detailed analysis of this second masuscript must be done before a verifiable translation can be provided.